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  • Chris Cisneros

Split Pea Pause


My favorite season is upon us.


And with it comes chilly nights, pumpkin spice clichés, and a slew of AMC horror movie marathons.


Actually, I think fall is unofficially the official scary movie season. Which is why I’m writing on this topic. So here it goes.


The other day I read an article about The Conjuring — a movie that details paranormal activity and a Hollywood style exorcism. Exorcisms are dramatic Catholic rites performed by a priest in efforts to expel a demon from a human host. The rite was popularized by William Blatty’s The Exorcist.


However, The Conjuring showed an exorcism performed by a courageous layman instead of a highly-trained priest. Apparently, that was a big no-no.


In the article, hardcore adherents to tradition fervently suggested that scriptwriters should’ve stuck to the Church’s very long, rigorous, and dogmatic process. To showcase otherwise is to be “irresponsible” with Catholic teaching.


I guess one could call it a cinematic sin.


Anyhow, here are my thoughts on the matter, at face value: if you’re in a position where you need to perform an emergency exorcism (as a layman), you can’t exactly tell the demon “Alright, let’s pause here. We still need the Vatican to approve the exorcism.

And then they have to send a priest over to do it. We can’t sway from tradition.

They might get mad.


...Would you care for some water or coffee while we’re waiting? My wife makes great snickerdoodles. By the way, you’re very good at what you do. Spinning your head around 360 degrees. Projecting split pea soup across the room. Glowing eyes… Not that I condone any of it, but I have to give props to your creative style.


Oh look, there’s Fr. Kelly pulling up right now. Finally.”


If these nitpickers really want to critique horror films, they should start with Rob Zombie’s Halloween remake. (Ugh)


Happy fall!



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